A Personal Essay

By:
Kenneth Jacob
Chief Engineer
Bose Live Music Technology Group

(First published draft. Suggestions for improvement welcome.)

About eight years ago, when our firstborn reached the age of six, my wife Amelia and I decided to enroll her in the local piano academy. Like so many parents, we wanted our children to learn a musical instrument.

My wife and I had both taken piano lessons as children, but our experiences were dreadful. In two different worlds, hers in Venezuela, and mine in Minneapolis, we suffered through tedious, theory-bound lessons with battle-ax teachers who seemed to genuinely dislike their work. Lessons were boring, and practice was a grind.

Sadly, no one else played an instrument in our homes so there really wasn’t any help or much support at home. Eventually, after a year or two, our parents gave up and we were allowed to quit for good. Honestly, it was a relief. Over the years, and in talking to others, we find that many have had similar experiences as ours.

The local piano academy environment seemed to us a pleasant contrast to our own memories of strict piano lessons as children. The academy had lots of educational computer games for the kids, and piano books that seemed so much more fun than what we had. The school sold wonderful Kawai digital pianos that sounded really good without costing a fortune, and took up little space in our small house. We were excited.

Unfortunately, the problems started almost immediately. We were told that Isabel should practice 15-30 minutes a day, and being eager parents, we carefully structured practice time for her. Within a few weeks, however, we could tell that Isabel was not so excited about practice time. Practice was at times boring and at others too hard. Her frustrations grew. We started to pressure her to keep at it. But before too long, daily practice became a chore. There were a few tearful arguments where we lectured Isabel about commitment and discipline and so on while Isabel wondered why we were making her do this thing that had frankly become a drag.

My wife and I started to argue too. Can’t you help her, we both asked each other? The answer was not really, because we had both long ago lost whatever understanding of music we had learned as children. We could barely recite “Do Re Mi…” much less read the notes in the book Isabel was using.

It was in the midst of this mess that a thought came to me – a thought so utterly simple, so breathtakingly obvious, that it borders on the absurd. And yet I can now say with complete certainty that it has positively changed our lives and the lives of my three children forever. Looking back now, I can honestly say it was a revelation. The thought went like this:

1) Isabel can’t play music.
2) Neither can I.
3) So why don’t you learn together?

I decided to put this idea to the test. I sat down with Isabel and worked with her for about fifteen minutes. There was a nearly instantaneous improvement. For her, it gave her the help and positive encouragement she needed. And although a cliché, it was real quality time with her Dad. For me, it was a wonderful chance to learn the mysteries of music from scratch – like a child. The demands were mild because no one was expecting me to learn at the pace of an adult. And for me as well, it was a wonderful chance to spend time doing something truly constructive with my child. It was rewarding and fun for both of us.

So we continued. And continued. And continued. Our progress was remarkable. Her teacher at the academy instantly noticed the improvement. Isabel was well prepared for her lessons, and receptive to professional instruction. I could hold intelligent conversations with her teacher about the music we were learning together. His answers helped me with the practice sessions. He and I could brainstorm interesting pieces for her to learn: I could tell by looking at sheet music if “we” could tackle the piece.

Soon, my son Evan (now eleven) was old enough to start lessons, and we used the same system for him. It worked. Beautifully. Our third (and last, barring an act of God) then got started. They said Elena was too young. I said let’s try it. The technique worked again.
I want to pause the story here to say that none of my children are virtuosos or prodigies. I have no intention of pushing them into a life in music. We’re not at all concerned about where our kids fall in the hierarchy of children that play a lot. We’re just happy that they play really well, that they continue to progress, and that they really enjoy playing.

Until a few months ago, eight years after “the revelation,” I spent twenty minutes every morning (we take Sunday off) with each of my three children (now aged 14, 11, and 7). Like them, I can now read music fluently. Isabel and Evan are playing everything from complicated Beethoven and Chopin pieces to favorite Jazz standards like “Sophisticated Lady” and “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore”. They play with great feeling and passion and are both comfortable performing in front of an audience. Recently, Isabel and Evan have broken off on their own, something their teacher and I agreed to, so that they could learn how to play from a melody line with chords (fake books). Evan has put together a book of all the pieces he knows because he wants to play for parties (he’s eager to make some spending money).

Only recently, with my youngest, did I touch the keys of the piano. It was all I could do to sit next to my kids and learn with them and help them. I now have the confidence to lay my hands on those precious keys…and play what she at age seven is playing. This may sound like a baby step but for me it is a step across a great chasm. Eventually, I want to take lessons myself. I know it’s late in life, and that when we go we can take nothing with us…but oh, what we can leave.

I feel that I have finally slain the dragon that had haunted me since childhood. I had given up being a part of the actual production of music. Although my life was rich as a listener, in terms of making music – even simple music – my life was barren, and I had given up on that ever changing. All I can say to those of you reading this that may feel the same way: do not give in to this dragon.
I can honestly say that my life is better now. I can read music. I can hear what’s going on in a composition like never before, and this adds tremendously to my enjoyment of music. I’ve added an entirely new dimension to my life.

Will I ever play an instrument well? It doesn’t matter. The message in this story is about the journey, not the destination. It’s about an awakening that encompasses everything I am, and do, and can do. I tell this story because I see nothing in it that can’t be done by others. I believe that any adult can sit down with any child and start from scratch learning music. And I believe that each of you will benefit immeasurably if you choose to do this. There is absolutely nothing to be afraid of because the beauty of this method is that you don’t need to know anything to start. All you need is a desire to learn, and a desire to help a child learn. It is so simple…and so profound.

Ken,

Thank you.

ST

Wow.

Well done sir.

Ken what a wonderful story. I can look back and wish that I had been able to experience the training that you participated in.

As you state "it's so simple it borders on the absurd", but as you have proven it works.

I only hope that by your telling this story that it will be passed on and on to all families who would like their children to play a musical instrument.

I can forsee a lot of happy fathers, mothers and children because of your sharing your family experience with the piano lessons. Again thanks for sharing.

Dewey

Beautiful story, Ken!

I hope you've read All Things Considered host Noah Adams' book Piano Lessons, his story of studying piano as an adult in 20 minute blocks a day. I think you'd relate.

Wow Ken! What a beautiful story. I have played up to four musical instruments in my life, but I always seem to come back to the guitar when I want to get serous… I have had many non-playing people ask me if it is worth it; and I always say that it will increase the quality of their life by 25%. And by the way, you’re never too old to learn. I can still remember back in the early 60s watching my grandmother rocking out with ragtime on the piano.

Thanks Ken! Nice story.
Respect

This IS a terrific and inspiring story.

I have thus far failed to play piano or take lessons myself, although I play enough to please myself- most of the time. I am considering taking lessons, but after hearing your story, I may consider having my kids take lessons and learn along with them at their pace, so that I really understand what they're doing.

Your story is an inspiration.

Music really is magic, & getting caught up in creating it makes you part of the magic. It's similar to sailing & letting the wind take you & reacting to that force. It is very life-enriching & makes you part of the great unknown - whatever that may be for each of us.

Alan, thanks for the tip. I'll definitely read it.

To all: thank you for your wonderful comments.

There is a series of books for piano called Piano Adventures. I highly recommend this series -- so much better than anything else we've used. The older kids did not use this series but Elena does. The tunes are a lot of fun and it's real music. I may be enticed to practice a few of the one's Elena is using now for the Bash on April 24-25.

Ken

Ken -

Thanks for posting the essay. Absolutely wonderful!

TLR

Ken~~that was very, very cool!. Thank you for the sweet story~~not only do I want a Bose because of you~~but now, maybe even a couple of kids in addition ~~

Ken,
Thanks for sharing this great essay. Reading your essay helped me to realize that the times I've spent working on music with my 11 year old daughter have truly helped create her musical spirit. She practices because she loves to play, or should I say, we both practice because we love to play. What a priceless gift!

Jeff
www.theunmentionables.com

Yes Yes Yes!

Here's a photo of the young one, Elena, age 7, with her teacher Gustavo Caldes (killer jazz pianist from Berklee by way of Brazil).

One of the people who thought about this a lot is Shinichi Suzuki, the japanese violin teacher. He advocated for exactly what Ken found worked so well - learn with your child, and create an environment that allows them to grow by playing with them.

One of his quotes is “Every child grows; everything depends on the teacher”.

I haven't read his book, "Nurtured By Love", but my wife, who is a pianist, and has spent many years teaching very young children has, and recommends it. It might be worth a look for people thinking about the philosophy of teaching.

Children love to make sounds and music with instruments, but I would be surprised to find ANY 7 year old child who wants to "practice" by themselves for twenty minutes a day. That's not how their little minds work. But "playing" with Daddy or Mommy - what could be more fun?

I think the self-motivation and ability to practice takes over later in life, and at different ages for different children.

This reminds me of a related phenomenon in classical music ensembles - for those of you who've played in orchestras or bands: how many of the conductors you've known were controlling and critical, uptight about performance, and had no ability to support and foster great attitudes? A standard joke in my house is to call it the "leading by sarcasm" approach to conducting.

In my experience this poor approach was prevalent in fully 80% of the groups in schools and conservatories that I played in, including ones led by very accomplished conductors. It's enough to suck the life out of many people's love for music!

But then I've run into one or two (out of the dozens I've played for) who can lead and inspire, and WOW!! what a difference in what happens!

I'm lucky to have a daughter playing in a youth orchestra in Boston with Benjamin Zander leading. This high school group plays tough music like Shostakovich, Ives, etc., and it's amazing to hear 80 people pull together and COOK with as much unity and spirit as the best small jazz ensemble.


Google benjamin Zander to explore some fascinating ideas about leadership in music - here's one link here:

http://www.fastcompany.com/online/20/zander.html


Anyway, Thanks, Ken! Down with bad piano lessons! We need more musicians, not fewer!

quote:

But "playing" with Daddy or Mommy - what could be more fun?

My 11-year-old at a New Year's Party this year.....she played the recorder in "Margaritaville" (the only song I know with a recorder solo)....and she NAILED IT!!

Jeff
www.theunmentionables.com

Jeff, that's wonderful.

BTW, I'm 90% sure I'm going to bring my daughters out to Big Sur for a few days before the BASH then ship them home on Sunday. Are you thinking of bringing your daughter by any chance?

Yes Ken,
We still have to work out the details, but I am hoping to bring my wife and children. At least maybe for the weekend.

Jeff

This whole post is really very touching... and that photo of Jeff's daughter "nailing" the recorder solo in Margaritaville" just swelled up my heart!

I love the way the guys in the band are right there with her...

Ken,

quote:

I have no intention of pushing them into a life in music. We’re not at all concerned about where our kids fall in the hierarchy of children that play a lot. We’re just happy that they play really well, that they continue to progress, and that they really enjoy playing.

Pianist Marcos Aanderud and I have spent hours conversing on this very topic.

The typical theory-bound lessons that most piano teachers rely on really miss the point... that music is a JOY.

Interestingly enough, I find the same is true of the way the educational system (and most parents) approach science. Most children will not become great scientists; but, all can learn the joy of discovery and observation if a parent takes the time to join them in their discovery processes.

quote:

I can honestly say that my life is better now. I can read music. I can hear what’s going on in a composition like never before, and this adds tremendously to my enjoyment of music. I’ve added an entirely new dimension to my life.

Will I ever play an instrument well? It doesn’t matter. The message in this story is about the journey, not the destination. It’s about an awakening that encompasses everything I am, and do, and can do. I tell this story because I see nothing in it that can’t be done by others.

Wow! What a powerful statement. Thank you for passing on YOUR joy of the journey to your children!

Tom